fuck dating girls who are “naturally pretty.” date girls who are supernaturally pretty. date a hot ass ghost. date a fucking alien
My niece thought my mom needed this sticker while she was sleeping…
Keeping an eye out for Selener.
"This isnt a project that you will be able to do the night before"
I’ve got blood but it’s all in vein.
Okay but have you seen the movie that this gif comes from?
Because it’s gold. Its called Bedazzled (2000) and here’s the IMDb description:
Hopeless dweeb Elliot Richards is granted 7 wishes by the devil to snare Allison, the girl of his dreams, in exchange for his soul.
And also the devil is female. If that doesn’t make you seek out this movie like vampires seek blood then I don’t know what will.
Today I accidentally pressed zero on the microwave and wanted to know what would happen if I started it and nothing happened so I got bored and pressed zero a bunch of times and then pressed start and it sTARTED BUT THE NUMBERS WENT DOWN FROM 1:00 REALLY FAST AND WHEN IT GOT TO ZERO IT JUST FLASHED “SHARP” IN CAPS AND THAT’S THE STORY OF HOW I SUMMONED SATAN TO POSSESS MY MICROWAVE
It’s like drowning but you just won’t fucking die."
"I met my wife in English class. By just random chance, I was the only boy in the class. And I flirted with her. She was totally preppy. She would wear pennyloafers and a jacket - a blazer - to class every day, and I was the opposite. So I figured it was a little bit of the opposite attracts kind of business. I wrote her poems in class that, um, made fun of her. So, um. (rubs his eyes) I’m not crying, I’m not crying! Yes, I wrote her a poem. This is before we consummated our relationship. And by “consummated,” I mean gave each other hickeys. But I wrote her a poem about her beauty, in which I likened her nose to a great cathedral. I’ll tell you everything. We’ve been together for twenty-something years, so this should take a while. We went on a trip together. We went to Boston together for something called Head of the Charles, rowing? crew? boats? And we went there and there was some vodka. Somebody got somebody to go to the liquor store and buy the booze and vodka. This is inappropriate and I don’t know why I’m telling this story. Anyway, we got a little drunk, we were in high school, we went back to a hotel room, with a bunch of other people, I might add - we were very virginal at the time. And then we parted ways; I had to go to my dad’s, and she had to go do some other things, and so we met back at school on the bus. And I noticed that Vicki had hickeys all over her neck. And I was like, “Wow! Three days, and she already met somebody.” I didn’t say it to her face, but “Slut!” is what I thought. And then we got to talking, walking from the bus to our class and I asked her very eloquently if she would be interested in “a relationship,” because I didn’t know what else to say. So we’ve been stuck for some time now. But those hickeys, apparently, were from me. She had gone through the same thought process when she saw the ones on my neck. Neither of us had any recollection of that. We were both still - we both had preserved our delicate flowers of virginity on that weekend. But she also came back from that weekend bearing some bruises on her inner thighs. Which neither of us, again, can account for. Serious overshare just then. The message I’m trying to tell is that all good things begin with a blackout." - Misha Collins about meeting Vicki
this girl in history thought Hiroshima was a pokemon
tip of the day don’t vacuum with ear phones in because i just finished vacuuming the whole house only to realise it wasn’t even on